Saturday, January 10, 2015

Adulthood - Growing Up - Part I

I was in my last year of high school and graduating early because of my age, birthday and surprisingly, because of my ex.

In the period of our cyclical relationship dynamic, he promised to take no classes with me during one period of the day but ended up taking a class instead. In lieu of spending that gap of time alone, I decided to join him in his class and what do you know? I ended up getting more credits faster and being able to fast track into College a year ahead of all my friends.

"Friends".... I use this term very loosely now. Back then, I thought I had it made. I was completely out of the depression and constant state of intense rage and anger that the break-ups depression had brought on me. The dark cloud of pain, sadness and anger had dissipated. The strained relationship with my immediate family, especially with that of my mother, that the bitterness of despair had cast on me and caused me to withdraw mentally and emotionally had lifted. My ex was inconsistently back in life for several years and I was happy take whatever I could get.

I began to get my "social butterfly" skills back and became the same chameleon I always was. Happy, laughing, intelligent and fun. I think back now and realize how ignorant, arrogant, egotistical and narcissistic I was to believe I knew it all and had it made, but they do say that ignorance is bliss.

I had a large array of friends to choose from at any given moment in time. A crew here, a squad there. I became particularly entwined with a group of girls who led me in the right direction so to speak. They "drank" and smoked "cigarettes" but for the most part, they were all on the straight and narrow. Smart and intelligent and came from good, loving homes and families. They were going to College the next year and since I was a year early, I was going to do the same.

I was led down the right path and I attribute a lot of that to them. I always worked and was surprisingly a little "too" careful with my money. My parents were always very frugal and I learned to save money very quickly. Not only did I enjoy making it. I was good at making it. I worked my ass off as much as possible at any and every job possible and I went to school full-time.

I had started classes and they were overwhelming. I was always street smart but my book smarts were average at best. I never got a scholarship or straight A's and I had to study my ass off to do well. Even when I did study, I didn't always particularly do that great. It took me two years to master College courses and realize you study the text book to do well.

I also had little to no idea what my major of study was going to be. The only reason I ended up there in the first place was because the other girls were doing it. The only reason I worked the jobs I landed was because that's just sort of how it all "happened". Nothing I had specifically planned or hoped for. I was finishing my first year of four and I was literally being forced to choose a major of study. I knew I had enjoyed Psychology courses so I chose that as my major. Then I'd overheard a friend of mine talk about this new double major I could do and a light bulb went off. "Good idea", I thought. "I'll do that too".

It was clear that I had no idea what I wanted or needed and had no direction, opinion or decision making skills but somehow, it all sort of "worked" out and things just ended up falling into place. Four long and hard years and I had a degree. It was time to go out into the real world and make money now. Again, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life so I randomly applied for any and every job posted at the time. I would eventually land something and it would open doors to new life experiences and a path of success and destruction.

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