Thursday, January 15, 2015
The Love Triangle - Part I
On one of my manic filled adventures, I convinced my friends to get into my car and drive 90 miles per hour with me to another state five hours away to meet my precious "James". He was with the band I was a groupie for and they were playing that night; I was determined to meet the band. We made it over there and never made it inside to see the show or meet the band. I can't remember all that much now but my phone was dead and I randomly approached a stranger who's friend had been hollering at us from outside the event venue. He let me use his phone; I guess we exchanged numbers?
Somehow we'd exchanged a few text messages and IM's but as per usual, I was not engaged and bored and found he lived too far. I wasn't taking thing seriously. I was too busy getting high as shit with my very close male friend who'd I just recently met at the bar I was working at. My first night working, it was his birthday and he approached me and said "hey, do you want to go do some rails outside in my car?". I neverat bloomed into a very near and dear friendship to me that was very close. We spent tons of time together but we were on drugs CONSTANTLY. I was a naive twenty-four year old and he was a few years older but we got along like two peas in a pod.
For several weeks and months I had my local companion whom I would get drunk and high with all the time. I had my ex who I was still seeing and sleeping with and of course, I had my band stranger entertaining me. This was my life for several months until eventually, me and the stranger I'd spoken to and completely used to make a phone call with were swapping countless text messages and spending all hours on the phone together. I was in a triangular relationship with three men who fulfilling different needs and had no idea what the hell was going on (at the time). In hindsight, I think since each man was fulfilling a different need in me I was completely feeling happy and content with my life at the time.
I was still seeing my ex who was entirely filling me up emotional said no to drugs so within seconds, I'd ditched my job to get high with a stranger outside. Thy. I was sleeping with my band stranger and talking to him; exchanging terms of endearment, having constant phone sex and swapping "I love you's", while my close companion was entertaining me regularly by hanging out with me and giving free drugs.
One night, my ever so respectful, attractive, wealthy, kind, compassionate, giving male companion told me he got us a hotel room to party in for the night. When we got to the hotel we had both done a cocktail buffet of anything and everything under the sun that was available to us that night. I remember us having a good time together, laughing as usual. Then things got a little hazy and he started asking to see my body. I had NO intentions of ever sleeping with him but for some reason, my immature innocence got the better of my judgement and I remember him seeing my body because he'd made a comment about how much thinner I was than he'd initially thought. Next I recall him asking to see my pussy and I said no. Next thing I know, his boxers are coming off and he's completely naked and he's got the most beautiful large and very well mans-caped man parts.
It was all very fast and very hazy but he and I were JUST friends and I never once considered sleeping with him. It was not even in my peripheral vision. I had no feelings for this man and there was no sexual chemistry between us. I had zero reservations about spending the night with him in a hotel. Although I found him attractive, intelligent, funny and incredible, I was in way interested in ruining what I considered to be a very close and real friendship with this man. I remember telling him that he needed to get dressed and that it would ruin our friendship. Then I ran. I got into my car and recklessly and in drunken- drug induced and dazed state; drove my car home several miles away. We didn't talk much after that. He'd gotten married, had a child and then several years later; passed away from a drug overdose. RIP my angel.
My friend had never tried anything on me and had never once mentioned having sexual interest or any feelings for me for that matter. I was fucking twenty-four years old and completely ignorant to the fact that men and women cannot be friends. Something I strongly believe in to this day and will never stray from my position on ever since that incident.