Thursday, January 8, 2015

The Wonder Years - Childhood Memories - Part III

In middle school, before puberty, I was very pretty. I had long dirty blonde hair and big green eyes. I was always told I was beautiful and boys always seemed to have crushes on me. I had a few "boyfriends" but I was between the ages of six to eleven so what did I really know?

I remember masturbating as early as six years old. I used to steal my mothers high heel shoes and put them on pretending to be a high class call girl hooker and humping pillows and blankets.

I remember my first boyfriend and I were in puppy love and had known each other since junior kindergarten. When he turned seven, he had a co-ed sleep over party that was a little on the naughty side. All the girls and boys french kissed in the dark in their sleeping bags and I was no exception.

Thinking back now, I remember having many obsessive thoughts about my boyfriend at the age of twelve who was the first boy I ever went down on. I thought about him constantly whether he was around or not and he was always on my mind. It wasn't abnormal for me to dwell on him for hours throughout the day and for a long-term period of time. When I was fourteen I had a similar feeling of infatuation for an older boy but was too shy to tell him how I felt although we did spend time together. I remember being at a hotel party one night with him in bed but nothing ended up happening between us and eventually my obsessive infatuation for him had come and gone.

I got my period at the age of twelve and after puberty hit, I gained quite a bit of weight and my breasts were a size DD. By the age of fourteen I had opted to have breast reduction surgery and my periods became very irregular.

Thinking back now, I really believe I was generally A-sexual during this period of time. I don't recall masturbating or having any general interest in sex or sexuality overall. In hindsight, I realize boys may have liked me and even had crushes on me but I was completely out to lunch and unaware or just didn't care or have any interest of feelings for them. I was too focused on smoking weed and getting drunk to notice anyway.

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